Dear Reader,
This newsletter is all about my podcast interview with Suneel Gupta, the author of one of my favorite books Everyday Dharma and host of the Amazon Prime Show Business Class. Suneel is a storyteller at heart. His dharma is the ability to tell stories that allow us to transcend ourselves and life in a whole new way. We talked about my absolute favorite topic…Dharma! Suneel said he wrote this book because he wanted to know more about this topic himself. He knew that he had lost his dharma and wanted to find his way back to his center.
The Arrival Fallacy
When Suneel started this book he had experienced success in his life with a career, wife, kids, financial security and various accolades. With each new level of success, he thought he would finally feel like he had arrived in life. Instead he felt lost and unfulfilled. He assumed that there was something wrong with him foe having these feelings and that left him believing that he was fundamentally broken. Why hadn’t the achievements, accolades and material possessions brought him to the promise land?
Suneel later learned that he wasn’t alone. In fact, this is so common that there is a name for it, the Arrival Fallacy. It’s the misguided belief that once we arrive at a certain point in our lives, having accumulated a certain amount of outer success (wealth, status, material possession and achievement) then we will feel the inner success (joy, fulfillment, purpose, peace and enoughness) that we have actually been searching for.
For most of us, each time we reach the desired destination, we feel inner success for a brief moment, but before long, the feelings fade and we start looking toward a new goal that might be the answer to the nagging hole inside. After a while, this never ending cycle becomes exhausting and we become disillusioned. We start to question, what is the point of it all? Why am I here? Is it even possible to feel the inner success I’m searching for, or will life feel dull and lackluster forever? If outer success doesn’t lead to inner success, what does?
Suneel didn’t know the answers to those questions, but he felt deep in his core that there was something more. So he set out on a journey to find the missing piece.
He began by going back to the teachings on dharma that his grandfather had shared with him on a visit to India. Suneel and his grandfather only met twice in his life, but he was deeply connected to him on a soul level. He and his grandfather, or bauji, as he calls him, were deeply connected at a soul level and he gave him the gift of these teachings at the age of 7. But it would be decades before Suneel could deeply understand them and put them into practice in his life.
Like many of us, he found that his life had been moving at a million miles an hour and somehow, he had lost touch with who he was at his core, his essence, or dharma.
The Great Renunciation (any earlier great resignation)
Given that outer success doesn’t necessarily lead to inner success, you may be thinking the same thing I did for a while. The answer must be to give up the rat race and head to a remote destination of the world where I can avoid all the stress and pressure and just live off the land and mediate all day. (Ok, maybe you aren’t thinking that exactly. 😜) However, I am sure many of us have had the urge to just leave it all behind. But is that really the answer?
Suneel tells the story of the Great Renunciation that occurred in ancient India more than a thousand years ago during the golden era. At that time, India was a wealthy sector of the world. Progress was exploding with massive jumps in the country’s infrastructure, economic growth and individual wealth. But at the same time, people were noticing that they were having a harder time finding time to spend with their families and communities, people felt emotionally and physically exhausted and the undertone of competition was undermining relationships.
With all the growth and achievement, people weren’t feeling any happier or more fulfilled. In fact, the opposite seemed to be true. The country became divided between those that said this new way of life was destroying the country and those that said it would be crazy to give up this progress.
When it seemed like it would be impossible to solve this debate, a large sector of the community decided to remove themselves from India’s hamster wheel. They left their homes and jobs and went off into the woods to live a simpler life. They spend their days meditating, praying and doing yoga. And at first it felt like freedom and liberation. But after a while these individuals started to miss the outside world. They missed the acts of creating, collaboration, building and serving. They missed having a sense of purpose that guided their actions and left them feeling accomplished at the end of the day.
So, what is the answer? Modern society seemed to lead to burnout, but leaving it behind led to boredom. It is from this place that the scripture and teachings of dharma evolved.
The Middle Way
The middle way is how we can have the inner success we long for and live in the world of work and responsibilities. It says that we each have a sacred duty to express the fire burning inside our soul and we can do that in every aspect of our lives. We don’t have to renounce it all to live our dharma. We can bring our dharma into our work, relationships, parenting, social interactions and duties. It’s not an either or proposition, it’s a yes and.
When we learn how to bring our dharma to our duties we transform our lives because we become deeply alive. When we are acting from dharma we are confident, creative, caring, collaborative and in flow. Our joy isn’t tied to the outcome, but flows from the process itself. Each and every action is an opportunity for play, growth, self discovery and service.
Outer success rarely leads to inner success. But when we begin with inner success, by living into your dharma, we are on a clear path to outer success.
The Music Mindset
Suneel and I talk about how we are often scared to take chances and step outside of our comfort zone to move toward our dharma. We fear we will make a wrong decision and fail. But, what if we flipped that to a growth mindset? One that understands that the outcome of a choice isn’t good or bad. It’s neutral. What really matters is what we learned along the way. Each step is a note in the song. As Suneel said, we don’t play for the final note. We play to experience the entire song.
In fact, it is our failures that teach us the most about ourselves and what really matters to us. Suneel interviewed Bill Gates who said “Success is a lousy teacher.”
We each have to make the choice to have the courage to take the risks that our souls call us toward, or remain in the safety of the familiar. If we choose to take the risks, we can do so with the inner knowing that whatever the outcome, we have already won. Even if the risk doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to, we haven’t “failed” or lost our place in the line of life. If we really think about it, where are we going? What destination are we trying to reach that will make us feel like we are enough?
If life’s not about reaching a point and more about how much growth we can achieve, than according to Suneel we should be seeking out the failures! 😜 Not sure I can even convince myself of that one. But hopefully this mindset allows you to take the risks your heart is calling for with the confidence of knowing that whatever the outcome, you have played all the notes in the song and it was beautiful.
Lessons From Einstein
Suneel and I talk about how we can become masters of managing our time. We pack our schedules and as Suneel puts it, turn our calendars into games of tetras. What we are not good at, is managing our energy. In fact, there is an energy crisis in our world right now.
It’s not that we can’t find the time to uncover our dharma or engage in it, it’s that we run out of the energy required to step outside of our comfort zone. It takes a certain amount of energetic momentum to overcome our resistance to the unknown, and we often don’t have it. So instead of trying that new thing, we stay in our well worn grooves and habit and recreate the same day over and over.
But what if we could learn to manage our energy the way we manage our time? What if we could turn it into an endless wellspring that could be tapped at any moment?
Suneel tells us the story of Einstein who was well known for taking long jaunts on his sailboat and bike where he would explore the natural world. He didn’t see these explorations as breaks from his work, he saw them as essential parts of his work. This is where his greatest insights always arose. When he gave himself the time and space to be engaged in activities that felt spacious and had no agenda, he filled his energy tank and allowed his body, mind and soul to deeply rest.
A someone who studies human potential and interviews highly successful people, Suneel says Einstein was not alone. People who avoid burnout and remain creative and in a growth mindset insert multiple periods of rest into their day.
Whatever your work is, from being a high level executive, to a stay at home parent, we all need that spark of inspiration and boost in energy stores that allows us to be the best we can be and helps us create the life we truly desire.
Rest is not something that has to be earned. Furthermore, being exhausted is not a badge of honor. Rest is resource that helps you create the life you want. One that aligns with your dharma.
What that rest looks like is completely up to you. Turn toward what feels good. Maybe it’s a walk, meditation, drawing, listening to music, playing an instrument, or having a worry break. The what doesn’t matter, it’s how you feel afterward that’s important. Do you feel more energized? Have a clearer mind? Feel calmer? Then you rested.
Suneel’s #1 Recommendation
I asked Suneel what the number one most impactful thing someone can do to start uncovering their dharma. His answer, start having conversations with yourself. This could be through taking quiet walks, journaling or being still so you can ask yourself the question, “what do I love” and listen for the answer. Be patient with yourself. The answer may not come right away and it may not be an occupation. It may not even be about changing anything in your life except how you are showing up in each aspect of your life. What is the sweet spot between who you are and how you show up? Ask and be open to what your soul has to say.
What Suneel really wants us to know is that it is never too late. We can always find our way back to our center. Our dharma is patiently waiting for us.
Below are a few other ways we can start to come home to our dharma. Try one or all of them. See what resonates and let me know. I would love to hear!
Mindful Moments Invitations
Keep a notebook or use the notes app on your phone and record any moments in your day where you feel lit up. After a few weeks, look for patterns.
Ask yourself “What would I do for free?” Journal the answers.
Add moments of rest to your day. See how you feel at the end of the day. After a week of doing this see if you feel more inspired, creative and lit up.
Reflect on your life. See if you can remember a time when something didn’t work out in the way you had desired, but you were grateful for the experience and growth that came along with the experience anyway. Can you apply that mindset to others areas of your life?
Sending You Love, Blessings & So Much Gratitude Reader,
Katie
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